V for Victoria

Shows I saw at the Edmonton Fringe (5 all together):  This Is Uncalled For, Can’t Get Started (Tom X. Chao version), Criteria, The Opposite of Infinity, 40 Needles

Flyered, flyered, and flyered all day Thursday, trying to make up for lost time.  If someone jokingly asked for a sample of the show, I would put down my bag and sing a verse from “Pirates.”  They loved it!  I even put together a whole speech promoting the show, focusing on the fact that I play so many characters.  “I’m a British guy, a pirate, a cat…”

It worked out pretty well for me because I had a decent house with thirty-three paying customers that night at 9:45pm.  Right on!

For my Friday 5pm show, I didn’t fare as well.  I flyered that day, but only eight people attended.  For some reason they weren’t playing my house music before the show, and while I was standing in the wings I could hear what the audience was saying.  This is an exact transcript because I wrote it down immediately after my show:

“This is the first show I’ve seen at the festival.”

“Usually there are more people at these shows.”

“This is a bad sign!”

“Maybe everyone else knows something we don’t!”

“Well, it is near dinner time.  Maybe that’s why.”

Now, remember, this is about five minutes before I’m starting the show, and I’m hearing this conversation of encouragement! I almost stepped on stage early and said, “I hear what you’re saying!”

They were quiet for about the first fifteen minutes of the actual show, but once I made them laugh, they pretty much laughed throughout the whole show.  It was actually a fun show to do.  I told them afterwards, “I did this show as if I were performing for two-hundred people.  Remember that when I come back next year.”

Edmonton was a rough time for me, what with getting sick and all.  Plus the Journal review cost me quite a bit.  They labelled my show a two-star show and then reprinted a handy-dandy list of shows in order of their star rating every single day.  The Journal was a sponsor of the festival and was available for free at many locations throughout the Fringe area every single day.  I saw people holding their handy-dandy list while looking at the schedule and trying to decide what they were going to see that day.  You know they weren’t going to be seeing Rebel Without a Niche.

Most people are nice, but some people hate you if you get a bad review.  This fascinates me.  What is wrong with these people?  I was handing out flyers to a line waiting to go into a show, and one crotchety old man snarled at me and wouldn’t take my flyer.  “How did you decide to go see this show?”  I asked.  “This got five stars in the Sun and four and a half in the Journal.  Your show got zero stars!”  “No, it didn’t,” I said.  “Then how many did it get?” he asked.

“Well, sir, it doesn’t matter.  i don’t read reviews to see what shows I’m going to go see.  I’m actually a smart person and I can think for myself.  Those are two good qualities to have.”

The old coot had no response to that one.  In contrast, there was a guy in the same line named Gerald who told me how much he enjoyed my show, was sorry I didn’t have any sell-outs here, and asked me to please come back next year.

Yes, no sell-outs in Edmonton.  It should have happened. I think I got swallowed up by all the other shows that got better reviews.  Is Rebel Without a Niche the Pootie Tang of Fringe ‘06?  Discuss.  Maybe I should see myself as having a cult following.

On Friday I more than made up for my lack of Fringing by seeing four shows and being out all hours of the night taking pictures of myself posing with other performers and having late late Chinese food with Tania and Dave Dawson.  Then I went home to pack and it was off to the train station in the morning.

The train left Saturday morning and rode through the Canadian Rockies, a beautiful sight indeed.  I stopped briefly at Jasper, a town I would like to revisit.  I slept on and off throughout the ride, always waking up to see some beautiful scenery.

The train rode all night and arrived in downtown Vancouver in the morning.  From there I took a bus that went on the Ferry, then the Ferry goes over to the Island, then the bus drives off the Ferry and goes to downtown Victoria.  I get to get off the bus and walk around the deck, by the way.  They even have a cafeteria-style restaurant on the Ferry.  From there I took a city bus, and walked the rest of the way.

I am staying in a house with a bunch of transitory twenty-somethings.  They are nice, as transitory twenty-somethings usually are.  The soap by the bathroom sink is made of hemp, as it should be.  My palms have the munchies.

Ah, Victoria, I’m yours!  Gone is the obnoxious carnival of Edmonton with its crappy overpriced food, gazillion shows that swallow me whole, Scorpion girls, and throngs of people.  This is so much more mellow, and more my style. The ocean is nearby, and I have never seen so many cats.  I love cats, and there are three in the house where I’m staying.  All I have to do is walk down the street, and a fluffy critter with a bell will hop out to meow “hello.”

I had my tech rehearsal this morning, and I have my first female tech of the tour!  And she thinks I’m funny!  These are all good signs.  Could she be the female Jon Alexander?

They key word here in this blog is mellow.  I like that word right now.  Mellow.  What is your favorite word? Mellow. 

Ferocious Review

Did last night’s show to no fanfare.  It was not easy.  I was coughing, my voice had some difficulty, and I was not at my best.  Still, it was the best show I could give at the time.  The show was at 11:15pm on a cold rainy night and that critically acclaimed bitch Mary Pickford was playing next door at 11:00pm.  Actually, that show is wonderfully performed and deserves all the praise it has gotten.

Four people were in the audience, including the Silver Swimmers!  They paint themselves silver and do street performances.  I met them in Winnipeg and they’ve been touring, too.  Shout out to Miriam.  You rock!  Wish you could have seen me on a better night.

I think the Silver Swimmers had my comp word*, so only two people paid.  It would have been a good idea to cancel, considering my health and the lack of audience, but I already cancelled one show and I don’t want a record of cancelled shows here.

The reviews came out in the two weeklies.  Vue Weekly panned me, but in a kind way.  Once you get out of Toronto, people are not as scathing.  See Magazine gave me a pretty good review, and their criticism echoes the feedback I got from Tania.  But, damn, I can’t seem to get higher than three stars!  This is my third three star review, and reviewers are giving out four stars like soup kitchen Christians giving out spoons.

From See Magazine:

Rebel Without a Niche (three out of five stars)

Kurt Fitzpatrick is one hell of a sketch comedian.  Rebel Without a Nicheis a bizarre collection of character sketches held together by the thinnest of narrative threads.  He’s an aspiring actor compelled by straitened circumstances to take a menial job in order to “Pursue His Art.”  The mantra is repeated over and over, and one can hear the capital letters.  Beginning with a country ballad about “The Outlaw Pussy Rider,” Fitzpatrick pulls us into the netherworld of the permanent temporary employee – the night shift in the HSBC computer centre, a courier service, Madison Scare Garden (a New York Halloween tradition).  Taken singly, each bit is hilarious – from the psychotic, jelly doughnut eating security guard, to the Brad Pitt-esque guerilla marketer with a fascination for the movie Fight Club – but the bits don’t quite hang together as a play.  The result is an unfocused hour with a ferociously talented performer.  (Reviewed at the Saskatoon Fringe)

- Eva Marie Clarke

 * Most shows have a “comp word” created by the performer that they give out to other performers so that they can give the word at the box office and get in free.  People often swap “comp words.”  I don’t think this practice is in place anymore in Edmonton.

Rebel Without a Voice

Thanks to everyone who offered help, support, and remedy ideas.  Today, as the largest Fringe in North America rages on, I was home at my billet’s, quiet as a church mouse, drinking tea, gargling salt water, and sitting in my bed writing, staring at the wall, and hoping that my voice will return.

Other performers had asked me if I was doing vocal warm-ups before my shows, and I wasn’t really doing enough warm-ups, to be honest.  I don’t know if that has anything to do with my situation, though.  I have a cold, and it went straight for my voice because that’s probably my weakest link right now, due to use.  Something is going around.  Alex Dallas from Drama Queen lost her voice as well.  Even if I did all the vocal warm-ups, that wouldn’t prevent me from getting a cold.

Sitting home today was difficult for me.  I would love to be there promoting and meeting people and performing.  Edmonton was turning out to be my most successful Fringe ever.  But, well, shit happens, and I have to take care of myself and make sure I can do the shows I’m committed to doing.  My next show is tomorrow (well, today – Wednesday) at 11:30pm.  If need be, I can rest all day and then go do my show.  The good news is that a friend text messaged me last night and told me that See Magazine gave me a very good review.  This is VERY good news right now because a good review will sell my show a lot better than flyering will.

Considering that my voice still isn’t back, I don’t regret cancelling on Monday.  Obviously my voice needed the rest.  Right now it is possibly okay for performance, and it should be better tomorrow. Granted, right now it’s near 1:00am and I can’t sleep.

At any rate, I will do whatever I can do to finish out my last three shows here.  If I have to suck on Halls during the show or make adjustments so I don’t yell as much, that’s what I’ll do.  Any promoting and socializing are going to go by the wayside until I have 100% recovery.

The show must go on, and I’m trying, folks, I really am.

Please Return My Voice (no questions asked)

Last night’s show at 9pm had a house of close to fifty people who were very responsive. I had lost my voice somewhat due to a cold, so it was a scratchy performance and I couldn’t do my full lion roars that I do in the show. It was actually kind of interesting to me because the characters sounded different and took on a new life for me.

But… Today my voice was worse. This utterly and completely sucks beyond belief, but I had to cancel this afternoon’s show because my voice just wasn’t up to par to do all the characters and singing. I hung around and apologized to everyone who showed up. There was one woman who was pissed, but everyone else was understanding. I would have had about fifteen or so people for my 2:45pm show, which would have been a nice little house to play to. I am really not happy about canceling, but I didn’t see another option.

Another problem is that I should be out right now promoting the show. I should be out talking to people and flyering, but I’m home resting my voice. I can’t afford to rest my voice and I can’t afford not to. So there’s stress in losing money, etc. And stress leads to getting sick and so on and so on…

I have to promote like gangbusters (and I’m not!) partially because of the Journal review I got. Generally I flyer people in line for other shows and sometimes people will ask, “What was your rating?” or “Were you reviewed?” Sometimes I think they know the answer. They’re just being mean. One girl told me yesterday, “I don’t have your show on my list. How many stars did you get?” “Three in the Sun.” “Oh. That’s why.” I told her to take a chance, but she won’t. At the Fringe, three stars isn’t even considered good, even though my actual review was quite good. Doesn’t matter. That would require reading. People just look at the stars, and if it’s not four, four and a half, or five, well, you’ve got an uphill battle ahead of you.

Meanwhile, this was turning out to be a very successful festival for me, probably because it is huge. It’s not just theater here. There are street performers, freak shows (including Scorpion Girl!), outdoor stages, two or three beer gardens, tons of overpriced food vendors… It’s difficult to navigate yourself through the area with the huge crowds. You can sit somewhere and watch a hundred people go by within a few minutes.

My next show is Wednesday at 11:30pm. I hope, hope, hope my voice is back in full swing by then. I need it back then to promote. If I don’t have substantial improvement soon, I’m really going to be up the creek.

Also on the horizon are two more Edmonton reviews that will be in the weekly papers this week. As we all know, my reviews can go either way. I do remember See Magazine attending a really good show of mine, and it would help tremendously if I could get a good review right now.

Edmonton Reviews

The Edmonton Journal trashed me. I find this interesting because their reviewer attended the same exact show that the Saskatoon StarPhoenix critic attended. They were both in the audience at the same time, but where Stephanie Classen of the StarPhoenix said, “Fitzpatrick convincingly portrays so many characters you might think he has multiple personality disorder,” the Journal said, “His accents are terrible.”

Same show. Same performance.

Good news, though! Today’s show was my biggest seller yet with 70+ people in the house! They didn’t laugh as much as other audiences, though. When that happens, I take the time to get more introspective and really get into the situations and characters more. Really, it was a great show.

And I got a very good review in the Edmonton Sun! Here it is:

Real rebel-rouser

3 Suns out of 5

Kurt Fitzpatrick always wanted to be in the movies. So he moved to New York where he could pursue his dream.

As is always the case in these things, he had to take on a number of temporary jobs until he gets the call from Martin Scorsese. He was determined not to find a real job, so he filled in with a series of temp positions while he “pursued my art.”

Fitzpatrick has turned his adventures into a one-man show, Rebel Without a Niche. As an actor, he recreates a series of colourful characters he encountered in these jobs. As anyone who has spent some time in the Big Apple knows, if you want to find unique human beings, that’s the place to be.

Fitzpatrick features an entire company of misfits, madmen, and just plain ordinary folk with shrewd observations, good comic timing, a developed sense of the bizarre and an uncanny ability to crawl into their skins by commandeering their accents and mannerisms.

His stories are fun, even when they are not falling-down funny.

So we meet a minister with a flock of nine people – part of a memorable group of workers on a night shift – and a creepy security guard who looks like Satan while flicking the jelly out of doughnuts with his tongue.

The most fun is when an entrepreneur employs him for a Halloween show at “Madison Scare Garden.” He has several adventures playing the “mummy” and various other creatures of the undead before finally achieving fleeting fame as a performer wrapped in a sheet and scaring the people waiting in line.

Some of his scenes fall a little flat or just aren’t interesting enough to hold, but Fitzpatrick has a likable, goofy personality and is always the underdog in his tales. The charm of his personality, his colourful stories and his impressive ability to play many characters make for a pleasant hour.

- Colin Maclean, based on a performance at the Saskatoon Fringe

Shirley You Can’t Be Serious

First of all, there is a good chance I did not see the Northern Lights.  I may have been bamboozled.  Someone told me that they don’t look like lights dancing in the sky, but I did read a description on a Northern Lights website that matched what I saw.  It did kind of look like lights generated from some spotlights.  I guess you could say I saw something but I’m not quite sure what it was.

Many people have been asking me about Shirley’s spoof of my show.  “What did it mean?”  “What did you think of that?”  I asked Shirley if people are asking her about it, and she said, “All the time.  I’m not explaining it to them anymore.”

She did explain it to me once again.  Her approach to it was absurdist.  She said in African language that she wanted to be a chicken, and then she became a performing chicken by throwing an actual chicken back and forth with Rob Gee.  This relates to my show in the sense that in my story I’m struggling to be an artist, so it’s like wanting to be a chicken as opposed to an artist.

She wrote down her African monologue for me.  Here it is:

“In die Begin van die werld was daar niks fok all.

Daar was net een klein hoender wat sock in andr hoender.”

I forget which word means “chicken.”  I think it’s “hoender.”  I told Shirley that although I was put off by it at first, now I really enjoy it.  I may even incorporate that monologue into the show.  Probably not, but I could.  I appreciate the fact that people are still talking about it, and she put a lot of work into it.  She had to get a chicken, for crying out loud.  And I enjoy hearing her say “fok all.”  Fok all!

Opening day in Edmonton was yesterday.  I participated in the Performer Parade, in which people sat on the sidewalk collecting flyers from everyone.  It’s nice when people actually want flyers.  After that I was in the Free For All, which was held on an outdoor stage.  This gives performers an opportunity to do five minutes of whatever to promote themselves.  I was the first performer to go on.  I originally wanted to do a scene, but it wasn’t going to work on an outdoor stage.  I sang my Pirate song instead.  It went okay, I guess.

My first show was last night at 9:30pm.  This is the first time in the twenty-five year history of Edmonton’s Fringe that they had shows on their opening night.  Despite the fact that I hadn’t done a lot of promoting yet due to this being early in the festival, I had thirty-one people in the house, laughing and having a good time.  I’m performing in a jazz club called the Yardbird Suite.  How hip!

Nature of the North

Oh. I’m in a different part of the world now.

As I was walking home tonight – a long walk – I realized that this is the furthest North I have ever been in my life. I hadn’t thought of that at first, but it hit me tonight.

First of all, on my walk home I saw a kangaroo. Actually, I thought it was a baby deer at first, but it appeared to be an enormous bunny. A jack rabbit? I actually asked it, “What are you?” It didn’t answer. It was too dark to get a clear look at it, but I never saw a creature like this before.

Looking up in the sky, I saw what I’ve been wanting to see this summer! Northern Lights dancing around in the sky. You don’t see those in the U.S. You’ve got to be far North. It’s basically nature’s light show. Four lights were playfully dancing around in the clear sky. I watched it for a while, until the rare (for me) beauty of nature got utterly boring. Damn you, MTV, for conditioning me as a child to want quick variety!

I hope to see both the Bunny Monster and the dancing lights again, and maybe some other things, like Big Foot. The festival doesn’t begin until Thursday, so I have time for some freaks of nature.

I’m curious about my Edmonton reviews. Edmonton press came to my shows in Saskatoon, so those reviews are already set. We’ll see.

Disorientation

Shows I saw at the Saskatoon Fringe (22 all together):

Carberlesque!, The Package It Came In, Tales From the Calabash, Dishpig, The Opposite of Infinity, It’s OK Jesus Will Forgive Us, Scrupulosity, Drama Queen, 2112, Audible (Saucy Fops), Giant Invisible Robot, Drawn Abroad, Rob Gee Performance Poetry, Steve Larkin: The Oxford Voice, Aphrodite’s Turn, Living Shadows: A Story of Mary Pickford, JOE: The Perfect Man, Teaching Shakespeare 3, 52 Pick-Up, Train Your Man, My Morocco, We Is Blunderstruck!

I have arrived in Edmonton after my red-eye train ride. The train was supposed to leave at 1:30am, but ended up leaving at 3:00am. My billet was nice enough to pick me up at the train station and bring me to her house where I will be staying.

It’s good that I’m taking the train instead of flying these days. I guess no one ever thinks of hijacking a train. Now you can’t bring fluids onto a plane, and it’s about time. All someone has to do is throw a glass of water in your face and you will be temporarily blinded, and thus made vulnerable.

Next, of course, is the elimination of cats on planes. I’m sure that during research on homeland security the authorities will be studying the film Problem Child and come across the terrifying scene in which a cat is thrown onto Jack Warden’s face, blinding and disorienting him and once again creating vulnerability.

I wouldn’t want to be flying these days, and I don’t want a cat in my face either.

Bye, Saskatoon

Last year when I toured for a month, it felt like three months.  Now I’m on a tour that is close to three months, and I don’t know how long I’ve been away.  Over a month, I guess.  I have little sense of time or what day it is.  I’ve just had my last show in Saskatoon and I leave tonight at 1:30am by train to Edmonton.  I feel like I want to go home at this point, but I have three more cities.  It’s not that I don’t enjoy touring.  I’m sure in a couple days I’ll be loving everything again.  Actually, I don’t even know how I feel.  Ever get like that?  If you do, don’t worry.  It won’t bother you because if you feel bothered, then you know how you feel.

I had my last show today at 4:30pm.  I had a good house.  Much different from a year ago when I did my last show of Hooray For Speech Therapy to an audience of two ladies while it was desolate and freezing outside.

This was probably not my best show, but the audience did enjoy it.  They were laughing and clapping and having a good time.  I noticed my voice was a little hoarse in the beginning, but that smoothed over.  My focus could have been better.  At one point in the show, I tried to ad lib something about Edmonton, and could not remember the name.  Edinburgh?  Eddington?  Someone in the audience finally helped me.  I said, “I’m sorry.  My brain is fried!”  Probably not a good thing to say during a show, but it was true.  That venue is so hot and I am jumping around so much…  My body can actually withstand it, but something has to give.

I was performing in a church basement that was not air conditioned.  Note to Fringe: Let that be the last show ever done there.  I’ve been handing out flyers to people this past week and someone saw what venue I was in and said, “Oh, that’s the oven.”

That said, I am pleased with my Saskatoon box office, all things considered.  No, I didn’t have a sell-out, but aiming high worked in my favor.  I consistently had decent-sized houses and did much, much better than I did last year here with Hooray For Speech Therapy.

All right…  Edmonton.  The biggest Fringe Festival in North America.  Coming soon.

Drag Kurts On Trial

Wednesday was a busy day.  I had an in-studio interview with Colin Grewar on CBC Radio Saskatchewan.  I never did a live radio interview before, and it went well.  I told stories about touring and did characters.  Fun stuff.  The show is broadcast all throughout Saskatchewan.  One person did tell me afterwards that they heard me on the radio.  Maybe if I ever get a super high tech web site I could have my interview there available for streaming.*

My show Wednesday at 7:30pm went very well.  Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am surprised that my show is getting good houses.  A good house here, of course, means about thirty people.  Granted there are a handful of shows that sell out, but compared to the numbers that the rest of the shows are getting, I’m actually doing well.

Wednesday night at midnight was the Spoof Night.  It’s not a secret anymore – I did Caberlesque!   For the second year in a row I pulled the most popular show of the festival out of a hat.  This show is a blend of European cabaret with American burlesque with singing, dancing, and German accents.  Clearly it was time for Kurt to become a woman.

I’ve only done drag once before (in a movie), and this time I went all out.  Pantyhose, one of those one-piece black things that looks like a bathing suit, breasts (crumpled up shirts), jewelry, and gloves (that were actually long socks).  All stuff bought for less than $10 at the Salvation Army and dollar store.  A fellow performer loaned me a long red wig.

At the Spoof Night intermission, I ran downstairs to the dressing room, got dressed, and was made up.  Eye liner, mascara, lip stick.  I saw a pair of high heel shows down there, so I put those on.  The organizer of Spoof Night is a close personal friend of mine, and since she was aware of what I was up to, she not only did my make-up, but also scheduled me for the end so that I could be the big finale.

I am a scary looking woman.  Yes, pictures were taken.  Some skinny guys can pull off drag.  I, on the other hand, look like a band member of Twisted Sister with a splash of Tim Curry.

I stayed hidden in the green room until I had to go on.  A fellow performer passed by to go to the washroom, saw me, and said, “You don’t even have to say anything.  All you have to do is walk on stage.”

The introduction was given for Too Much Free Time Productions’ Rebel Without a Niche’s parody of Caberlesque!  The audience was already pretty rowdy and warmed-up, so when I came on stage it took probably a full minute for the laughter, hooting, and hollering to die down.  Jeeze, I should do drag more often!

I introduced myself as Sour Puss, the illegimate sister of Sugar Puss, who is a character in the show.

“Caberlesque!  received four and half stars.  Just imagine how many stars we’ll get when you can actually understand what the fuck we’re saying through these thick German accents!”

Big laughs, and even more when I made a crack about Dishpig.  I then sang a song I wrote about the Saskatoon Fringe, which went over well since the performers have been having so many frustrations with the staff and festival itself.  Knowing your audience!  Everyone loves a roast, although the festival staff stayed home for the most part, so they couldn’t join in on the fun.

Thursday night was Spoof Night #2.  One night is enough, I think, but there we were for the second half.  I saw the spoof of my show, which was done by Shirley of Train Your Man.  In her show she brings men on stage, gets them on their knees, feeds them dog biscuits, and stamps the word “TRAINED” on their heads.

I had no idea who was doing my show, but when I saw Shirley about ready to go up, I was excited because I know she’s a hard-working performer.  She got on stage and started doing some kind of snake woman dance with her arms, and then did some kind of South African incantation.  Really, she’s South African, so that’s what she was doing.  Then performance poet Rob Gee came on stage, they put on rubber gloves, and pulled out a frozen chicken out of a bucket.  The song “Nine to Five” started playing and they played catch with the chicken.

Now, uh, okay.  Wow.  What exactly went through this woman’s mind when she saw my show?  That’s about as much of a parody of my show as it is a parody of Happy Days.  She explained to me afterwards that in the beginning of the spoof she was dreaming of becoming a chicken.  Then she symbolically became the chicken when it was being thrown around.  Or at least I think that’s what she said.  I admire the fact that she went out and bought a chicken.  Shirley once again put her own stamp on things.

Somethings you really do meet someone with an original mind. **

* I do have a super high tech web site now!  There are some interview podcasts you can listen to there, but not the CBC Radio Saskatchewan interview because the release I signed said I couldn’t post or rebroadcast the interview.  I have it on a CD for my own personal entertainment, though.

** For the record, although I was initially shocked, I later found it to be a brilliant absurdist piece.  Go Shirley!